There’s hope for friendship after breakup
We’ve been wanting to post this for a while, and I’m finally got a chance to do it. We got an email from Lincoln in response to Episode 50 – “Can we be just friends?”. Here it is:
I’ve been a listener to all (50!) of your podcasts and I enjoy both the banter and different perspectives on dating and life in general. I may disagree with one or two things you guys come up with here or there, but overall I think you’re generally on the mark and you almost always cover all sides of an issue.
That said, I vehemently disagree with the consensus of your last episode on being friends with an ex. I think I’m a little older than you, but the woman I dated prior to my current relationship was someone I knew years ago (she was the friend of a friend) that I connected with about a year ago. She and I were friendly before, but not independent of our mutual friend. Anyway, we dated for about 6 months or so and the relationship wasn’t progressing as I’d have liked, so I ended it. After a brief period, we resumed our friendship and we speak very regularly now. When I was passing through where she lives (she lives a couple hours away) I stopped by and we had dinner. My current girlfriend knows about her, and is fine with our relationship. Though they haven’t met yet, I imagine they will the next time my ex- is in town (she’s here for business a few times a year).
The fact that you guys dismissed the potential ability to be friends with an ex so completely was a little surprising as you usually are very balanced in your assessment of almost any issue.
I remain a fan and am looking forward to next weeks show!
ldc
Tags: breaking up, friendship, listener letter
Hey guys, Kirk here. While I agree that it is possible to be friends with your ex, I really don't the appeal of it. I honestly think that if a relationship didn't work out between you two, why would you want to be friends again?
Well, Kirk, it doesn't sound like you keep the distinction between "relationship" and "friends" very clear then. To me, relationship involves intimacy in several levels (not just sex) and friendships are NOT going there. I know it can be a challenge to keep strong (in my experience) about boundaries AFTER changing over from "relationship" to "Friends". Thanks.